As you sit recovering from a Thanksgiving feast and some grey Thursday shopping, you turn on the TV to watch — finally — some football. Only, it’s not there. It’s soccer instead. Flicking through other channels reveals the same thing: soccer, soccer, soccer.
Dumbfounded, you text a friend to see what’s going on. The response is chilling; unbelievable. A small group of folks at California’s Outlandish Ubiquitous Giant Heap, or COUGH, have decided to ban football. No other state had a voice in the matter and an executive order from the White House extended the ban across the country. Game injuries, emissions from tailgate barbecues and those crazy guys painted in team colors were deemed too reckless and dangerous so the sport was cancelled.
"But soccer fans are freaking nuts," you think as your daughter gently shakes your shoulder, waking you up from that crazy nightmare.
“Dad, dad. The door buster sale,” she says. “Come on, let’s go.”
You shake off that turkey-induced slumber, grab your cell phone, key fob and follow your daughter to the garage.
“You remembered to plug in the truck, right Dad?” she asks as she reaches for the door.
